Are You My Friend?

Have you ever sat down in your only free 5 minutes in the day, logged into facebook only to have the stark realization that you have no idea who any of your “friends” are?  I’m to the point now that I know their names, their dog’s names, and what they cooked for supper tonight.  I celebrated with them when they got that job they’ve been wanting, and smiled at pictures of their children; yet I have no memory of ever meeting these people in my life.  Was it an acquaintance from high school or perhaps I sat beside them at some meeting I went to 3 years ago?  Who knows, but here’s the strange part; in some odd way I feel connected to these people, intertwined in their lives, engrossed in their dramas.  In some ways I’m closer to them than any real life friend I see occasionally or wave to as I drive through my neighborhood. 

Which leads me to my question of the day: has the internet brought back the idea of the pen pal?

Every day I sit down with my laptop on the sofa, my two year old driving trucks up and down my legs, Super Why with the power to read playing in the background on the tv, and I check my email.  I tell myself that this is one of my responsibilities as a small business owner, staying on top of all correspondence.  But, in reality, I have a friend that I email every day about anything and everything.  There have been really hard days when that email message was the only ray of sunshine in my dark and stormy life.  We talk about the men in our lives, her dating madness, and my crazy Mr. Alpha Male husband.  We talk about our dreams and deepest desires for the future, our children and the joys and struggles involved with them.  And, because we are forced to put what we are thinking and feeling into black Calibri type face and fill a screen with it, we say more than we would on the phone or, if we lived closer, over a glass of wine.  I cherish those few minutes every day when I get a new message and have a brief glimpse into her daily life.  And, in essence isn’t that what having a pen pal is like?

It seems like everyone has a blog these days, cathartically purging themselves of all of their innermost struggles into print and sending it out online.  And, now I have a blog where I write my personal thoughts on life and put them out in the world for everyone to see and examine.  Do we have that same level of openness and honesty with friends that we see in person regularly?   There was a time when people were friends in real life; and now it seems like all friendships stay firmly planted in cyber space, while we lock our doors and close our blinds to the outside world.  Which leaves me wondering both in real life and online, “Are you my friend?”

Bringing Home the Bacon Bits

 I was asked today what I do for a living, and I found myself floundering for a moment not knowing which job title to give.  A year ago I would have replied, ”Stay-at-home Mom,” without blinking an eye.   But sometime in the past year, I became an owner of a construction company, an interior designer, and an aspiring writer, all on top of my career as a stay-at-home mom.  My brief blunder caused me to step back and take note of all of the women I know that are working two and three jobs while raising children.  The more faces that crossed my mind, the more I realized that everyone I know moonlights on their job as a stay-at-home mom these days.  On-line business owners, tutors, aerobics instructors, seamstresses, and waitresses, all fighting for the survival of their families in a time filled with slim profits, coupons, and dwindling bank accounts. 

Then, I began to think of all of the success stories that have happened in the face of adversity.   They surround me every day. The small victories of purchasing back to school clothes for the kids, or simply keeping the bills paid for another month, small victories that keep families clean, fed, safe, and together.  When the storms of life are swirling around us and fighting for survival is the only goal, it’s difficult to stop working long enough to look around and appreciate all that hard work.  So, I would like to take this opportunity to applaud my fellow moonlighting stay-at-home moms for their perseverance in holding life together while life seems to tear itself apart at every opportunity.  Even as I’m writing this, I’m waiting for water to boil on the stove for supper, kicking a soccer ball back and forth across the kitchen floor with my little boy, paused once to answer the business line, and now I’m looking around my normally clean house at paperwork piling up on table tops and the accumulating dust bunnies in the corners.  So, what’s a girl to do?  When does a working stay-at-home mom get the 5 minutes necessary to sit down and congratulate herself on a job well done?  I’m declaring the time is now!   I challenge all of you amazingly strong women out there to celebrate in some small way today.  I will be celebrating today with a new shade of lipstick and some stolen writing time on my front porch!

We moms need to remember that we are worth being taken care of too.  And, while my contribution to the household may be more like bringing home the bacon bits, than bringing home the bacon, we’re happy to have those delicious salad toppings every night at supper time!  So, be proud of your many job titles!  Brag with pride about your list of official and unofficial job titles, and celebrate everyday with every success.

A Muffin Too Far

     As my little boy walked through the kitchen with his new airplane embroidered backpack strapped to his shoulders over his Thomas the Tank Engine jammies, his little face still sticky with this morning’s breakfast, all work on my manuscript came to a screeching halt.  This is one of the dangers and great joys of running the house, a construction company, and a budding writing career all from my small oak desk in the corner of my kitchen.  Constant interruptions that I would not eliminate even if I could, crash through my thoughts mid-sentence of an intense scene I’m writing.  But, isn’t that the life of every woman, every mom, trying to hold the loose ends of life together before they unravel and leave us with a heap of tangled threads at our feet? 

     “Mommy, I’m going to school,” my little boy beamed holding out his airplane lunch bag, not understanding that he doesn’t start preschool for another week.  

     I’ve spent the past two weeks obsessed with learning all that I can, not about daily life in the late 1700’s as would help in the writing of my historical romance manuscript, but the artistic creation of bento box lunches for preschoolers.  In my effort to keep the wheels on all of my works in process, writing and otherwise, I have once again gone overboard in my quest for perfection.  Little peanut butter sandwiches cut into the shape of cars, tuna salad rolls made to look like mice, cheese in the shape of the three little pigs, all intricately carved and packed into the matching lunch bag with his name embroidered in the top. Which brings me to my question of the day: Will my need to be a great mom overshadow my son’s need to be a normal boy.  In other words, will the elaborate school lunches I’m planning be a muffin too far?

     The great lunch debacle of 2010 has been the topic of conversation at my house this week.  My husband, who for the purposes of this blog I will just call Mr. Alpha Male, thinks that I am going to get our little boy beat up at preschool with my over prepared lunches and matching airplane themed school accessories.  I think that I want my perfect little angel to have the best of everything, including his lunch.  Then again, does Mr. Alpha Male have a point? (Now, now ladies, don’t be dirty.)  Bunny sandwiches are not exactly manly, after all.  And furthermore, would my current work in progress be finished by now if I spent more time with my mind in the late 1700’s and less of it on the perfect blueberry muffin recipe to put into the perfect airplane themed cupcake wrapper and into the perfect airplane lunch bag?